suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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