My first STD was from a foam party
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
