A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
