He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
