I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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