were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
