What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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