JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart