dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.