I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution