I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD