Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
