And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!