I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
