Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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