She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Randomize
