he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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