she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
