In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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