It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
