I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
