you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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