I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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