He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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