I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
