Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
