So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
