can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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