I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
