Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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