You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
