And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
