Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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