I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
