First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
