I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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