giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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