would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
