How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
