I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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