Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
