he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
