My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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