so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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