I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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