Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
