gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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