I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
