Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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