genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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