Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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