imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
