I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
time to smoke my breakfast
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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