I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
