i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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