Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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