just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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