Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
