I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
