it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
