dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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