i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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