my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
