I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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