The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
