no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
