This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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