a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
love makes seman taste better
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I want is dick and wine.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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