You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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