So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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