i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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