If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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