Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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