yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
