I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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