Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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