So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
