Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
