Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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