My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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