i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
