I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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