My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
