Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
