i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
